I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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