Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
