your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
