He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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