i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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