he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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