the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
