in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
