before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
