This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
