Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
