well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You took a bar mat shot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is Oprah even human
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize