come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
