I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
