You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
