U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
