And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am one with the molecules
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
