Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha

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(248): View more from Michigan

Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....

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(859): View more from Kentucky

She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.

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(512): View more from Texas

Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus

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(607): View more from New York

I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.

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(917): View more from New York City

Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke

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