Already got asked if we're dating
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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