"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
