Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
