I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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