woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your penis caused this!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
