His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
