I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I AM VODKA MAN
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
