Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
