when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
