i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
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