i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
