Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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