So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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