She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
