no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
