yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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