O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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