Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
false alarm. still invincible.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
