Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize