There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
