Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
