Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
