Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
