She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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