im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
