drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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