You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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