Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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