So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize