so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
