Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
