i was born a porn star she said
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
