Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
