your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
