oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
