Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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