Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
