Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
