The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm too high and old for this...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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