Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
