My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
