Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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