I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
