whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
