i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
