I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
