I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
