Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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