How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
