I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Success! We fucked roommates!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
