So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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