I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
