i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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