Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
